It’s crazy how perspective changes everything. More than you know. The way we see things has more weight than the way things actually are.

Portland sunset

Portland sunset

Take this example:

Josh and Mani (that’s us) are staying in this awesome 3 bedroom home in Portland (which apparently is the place to be right now), with an awesome view out into the forest of the Pacific Northwest with amazing sunsets every day. Their hosts have become their friends, with whom they share many delicious meals and good conversations. They have fresh coffee and tea available every morning and they sleep in a pillow top King size bed which is hard to get up from every morning. They even have their own mini living area downstairs where they have a desk, couch, tv, microwave and mini fridge. They don’t have to commute every day (they work from home), and they can spend as much time together as they want (they don’t like being apart from each other.)

Sounds great right?

Well, here’s the thing…

It’s not. I mean, yeah, I am very grateful to our hosts and God for providing us with a roof over our heads and food to fill out tummies but everyday is a struggle for us.

We have been in transition for months. We don’t know what God’s plans are or what He wants us to do. We don’t know where our lives are going, Our finances are not good, we owe taxes which we can’t afford and they’re not gonna wait forever, we struggle with the unknown and God’s silence. We often struggle with depression, fear and anxiety. We worry that God has ditched us because we failed at his given orders, and we are now left to go and play society’s “game” which revolves around money.

Being in transition is exhausting. You can never feel safe or in comfort because you have no idea what’s happening next. We would both feel better if we could get clear orders from God, even if they are: “go be homeless and beg” or “go play the game and make a bunch of money.” We are capable of both, but we struggle big time when we don’t know what we are supposed to do. We don’t want to do the wrong thing.

We both need medical care of all kinds: doctors, dentists and chiropractors, which we can’t afford and we have no insurance. Josh suffers daily mostly with mental-related suffering. I suffer mostly with physical-related suffering.  

It’s hard for me because Josh’s feelings affect me. I’m way too empathetic towards him, and it doesn’t help either of us. And it’s also hard for me because my health is getting worse. I can’t floss without it looking like I just ate a human heart. And my hips, they hurt. They hurt every day and every night. I’m in my frickin’ 20’s, nobody’s hips should be in pain in their 20’s. I was a dancer on and off for many years in my life, my true passion, which I’m afraid is starting to affect me negatively now.

And it is hard for Josh because he is a doer, he is a fixer. He is an American by blood, and our current situation goes against his nature. It is very hard for him to do nothing. He is also the one needing to provide most of the finances for us and therefore pay the bills and keep our hosts happy.

I hate money. Don’t get me wrong, I love many things that money can buy, but I hate what money represents and how it affects people. I hate that we are dependent on it. Money is the opposite of God. It is man-made and it is driving this world and it drives people to be evil, to be selfish and ruin lives. The lack of money has taken children away from their parents, has kicked people into the streets, has driven people to blatantly lie to get what they want and ruin lives in the process. It didn’t used to be like this. Money is the reason humanity needs to reset. We can’t go on like this.

This post definitely turned into something I wasn’t expecting but I’m letting it all out there, I want this blog to be honest, not just the highlight reel of our life. Truth is important. Hypocrisy is another big problem in our time. People need to be more real, starting with themselves and then with everyone else.

“Honesty is the best policy” inside Leeds Town Hall. Photo by Rick Harrison

I’m not saying I am completely free from greed and hypocrisy, I would be a hypocrite if I was. I definitely have flaws, but my “evil” or “bad” thoughts and deeds are mild, I mean I have never gone out of my way to get something if it ruined someone’s life. I strive to be honest, and most specially to not be a hypocrite because I know that God does not like hypocrisy.  I noticed that many times we don’t notice we are being hypocrites and this is why we have to try to be honest with ourselves.

In conclusion… perspective. Perspective changes a situation drastically. At first sight, we are in an awesome situation, but if you see closer, you know it’s not even close to what you thought. Best is to remain cheerful no matter what. I’m bad at that, but I am good at remaining calm and having faith and not overanalyzing situations. I am good at trusting that God hasn’t ditched us. I am good at trusting that God has His reasons and I am good at not trying to understand Him, because in trying to do so you only misunderstand Him.

I do hope that He’ll break His silence with us soon. I have a feeling there will be a change soon.

I’ll leave you with this quote:

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

– Steve Furtick

%d bloggers like this: