Find Out If I Am A Good Fit For Your Team During The Apocalypse

This may be the most random post so far in my blog, but I guess I am due since I scored pretty high on the “random” attribute on the left vs right brain test, and I also won the award for “Most Random” in my Senior High School Awards, yep, that was a category, and there were about 180 people in my Senior class.

Now, let’s talk about the apocalypse. The apocalypse has been getting a lot of attention since 1999, when people were scared about reaching the year 2000, and since, has been getting exponentially more attention, peaking near December 2012 with all the Mayan calendar hype.

underground home design
underground home design

But more than ever, people are taking the end of the world very seriously. Many people are preparing for it and building million dollar self-sustained underground homes, the government has spent a billion dollars building secret bunkers across the United States solely to house government officials and important documents in case of a global catastrophe, and even Norway has a secure underground seedbank where they are storing a variety of plant seeds in gene banks in case of a large-scale global crisis, which I think is actually really cool.

norway seedbank vault
Svalbard Global Seed Vault source

People joke a lot about the apocalypse and even the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) submitted a post on what to do in case of a zombie apocalypse, but while it seemed like a joke, it was used as an attention-grabbing technique to get people to learn what to do in case of real emergencies as the CDC director notes: “If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack.”

Even though there is a lot of joking around about the apocalypse, people are intuitive and more than ever are sensing that a global life-changing event is coming.

As for myself, I do believe that a global life-changing and catastrophic event is coming, and it’s coming in the next 100 years. I have many reasons that make me believe this. I also believe that it won’t happen overnight, but over the course of several years, even decades. I also believe that God is and will be highly involved. I believe that humanity and Earth are reaching a peak of some kind, and soon there will be a need for a rebirth of humanity and Earth during this event which you can call the apocalypse, the rapture, the end of the world, doomsday, the end of Kali Yuga, whatever you wish. I believe that 3/4 of the world will be destroyed, and the 1/4 remaining will rebuild a new life, and after a period of intense destruction, Earth and humanity will reach another “Golden Age”.

But now, let’s move from seriousness to humor:

Whether you believe in it or not (you have time to decide), we all know how it goes from TV and movies, the world gets dark and everyone starts picking survival teams. So, for your own good, I have for you the reasons why and why not I would be a good apocalypse teammate:

My weaknesses:

1. I have a dreadful sense of direction.

I know the sun sets in the west and rises in the east. But this information hasn’t helped me navigate my way ever. Don’t ever listen to my directions even if I sound convincing.

2. I need sleep.

I don’t mind going to bed late, but I need at least 8 hours of sleep and when I tell you that I am not a morning person you have to believe me.

3. I am not in shape.

Even though I am a dancer, and will carry 17 grocery bags before making two trips, my stamina is on the floor. If I have to run for my life, I will die trying.

4. I will freeze you instead of provide you with human heat.

I think I have reptile blood because every part of my body is at a different temperature and my feet and hands are always cold if not freezing.

5. I’m not a great swimmer. 

I know how to swim, but I am not good at it.

6. My bladder is unpredictable and will be asked to be emptied at the most inconvenient times.

…Every time I get in a car. The upside: I can hold it for a long time.

7. I am absentminded.

Especially during any verbal talk. During a long speech, lecture, or explanation I will have heard 20% of it.

My strengths:

1. I am stealth as a ninja.

I am tiny, my stride is almost silent, and I can sneak up on you or away from you in milliseconds. Just ask Josh.

2. I can survive on small portions.

My stomach is small and I can feel full after a small portion. The downside: I get grumpy when I’m hungry.

3. I am petite.

I can fit into small places, and won’t take a lot of space on any given shelter or sleeping area.

4. I am a great teammate and great at following instructions.

I play with others well, and will follow detailed instructions with meticulousness.

 5. I am a great planner.

I am a great at looking at the big picture, doing thorough research, looking at all the options, and finding the best specific solution for a given task. The downside: the process is not quick.

6. I have a strong faith.

This allows me to adapt to change, be strong in mind and heart, and not give up during suffering.

7. It is not in my nature to be completely selfish.

I will starve before I see someone starve in front of me, unless this person is a serious asshole, and even then I might consider it.

So there you have it, will I make it to your team?

cat apocalypse

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