During our 10 days at MPR, Josh was dealing with Dilshad, the man that had come to India to help us, and after some days realized that he definitely overcharged us for phones, and was overcharging to start the company. We were finding that we were being overcharged A LOT in India so far, simply because Josh is a white American. After some days, Josh told me that we should have come straight to Ahmednagar and this man wasn’t help from God (what we first thought) but a deterrent from what God really wanted us to do. When I heard Josh say this, I felt instant sadness and pain and frustration. Let me explain:
First about Maya. In our beliefs, we live in illusion and the only Realness is once we become one with God. Maya is Illusion, and Maya likes to fight against God’s plans.
Now, for years it has been a frustration of mine that God won’t talk to me and won’t tell me what to do when I ask Him. It has been quite the silent treatment from him to me. Not in the sense of love and protection, because I have gotten a lot of that, but in the sense of communication and knowing what His will and wish is for me. He has always made me figure it out via His silence. There had been only three times in about five years when I have gotten direct and strong messages from Him and one of them was before coming to India when I felt that He had told me that we should travel straight to Ahmednagar. But then Dilshad happened.
Maya knew exactly what Josh needed which was help to set up a company and Maya sent it, and it worked perfectly. It made us think God was helping us by sending Dilshad to help us in India. But really, it postponed God’s wish for us and took a lot of money.
So, I became extremely upset about not following God’s clear wish of coming straight to Ahmednagar. We both thought He had sent Dilshad to help us, but that was never confirmed. I was very upset that I had gotten a rare message from God, and not fallen through with it. I was upset that I didn’t carry his order no matter what. So I went straight to my room and cried and asked for forgiveness. And I started thinking to myself: “this is why He doesn’t talk to me and tell me what to do, because I don’t listen and I don’t follow the orders.” It was a lesson I had learned and hoped that whenever again I get an order, I will do it no matter what. Out of the three messages, only one of them was an order, and I failed to do it.
A New Life Wandering 