I am not one for sitting down and writing down my New Year Resolutions or even thinking about them. If I ever did make some as a teenager, I don’t remember ever achieving them. I gave up long time ago, mostly because I don’t care that much. I’m pretty okay with how I have and am living my life.
So in honor of that, this year I am making a “Fuck It List” and I invite you to do the same.
What does it consist of?
It comes down to worries. “The Fuck List” is another name for “Stop Worrying About ___ List.” Worrying sucks. It really doesn’t achieve anything.
So here is my list:
My 2015 Fuck It List
1. Being liked.
I don’t really know where this comes from in my being: the want to be liked by everyone. I don’t consciously think I should be liked by everyone and I don’t even consciously feel like I need to prove myself or anything like that (although I am often underestimated). So why is it that I make an effort to be liked? I will make an effort to try not to offend anyone, I will make an effort to sympathize with your situation, I will make an effort to make you feel comfortable.
I slack when I know the person real well though. Is that hypocritical? Or do I know I have gained their acceptance and don’t need to try that hard to please them? I definitely speak up my mind a lot more with those that know me well. But there is that fear with those I have just met or know very little. Fear to do anything that will make them not like me. So, F*** trying to please everyone.
2. Growing up.
And give up my love for Pixar movies and stuffed animals? F*** that.
3. Forcing a smile.
My normal neutral face doesn’t look very friendly. As a kid I was often told by strangers to smile. Really annoying. You know when you’re asked why you are angry but you’re not and it makes you angry? It’s like that. I was totally fine until you told me to smile. Many times I have to consciously force a smirk or my muscles in my face to make it look like I am not mad or upset just so that other people don’t think I am mad or upset. It’s exhausting. So, F*** it, I will smile when it comes naturally; let them think I’m mad.
4. Being social when I don’t feel like it.
I don’t consider myself an outgoing extrovert. I enjoy social situations and having adventures, but mostly with people I know well. Social gatherings can be exhausting for me sometimes. It involves two of the things above: trying to be liked and forcing a smile so my face doesn’t look bitchy. I’m not a bitch and I don’t think I’m better than you, I just don’t have the best social skills, hate small talk and sometimes really just don’t know what to say to you. If I don’t make an effort I come off as immature, standoffish and even proud. But really I’m quite friendly and I am one of the least judgmental people you can meet. Seriously, you can tell me your deepest secrets and I won’t criticize you, and I can keep secrets forever. If you don’t ask me “what do you do? , we are off to a good start. I hate that question. Work shouldn’t define a person, but that’s another subject. So, F pretending to be an extrovert.
5. Becoming a morning person.
I’ve always hated mornings. Getting up around 6am was the hardest thing I had to deal with in my school years. When I started University and class started at 10am, it was the best thing that happened to me after graduating High School.
You can ask my husband how any time before 9am is the worst time to talk or deal with me. I don’t even drink coffee. Poor me. Never liked the taste of it unless it’s showered in sugar. Tea I like but it doesn’t have enough caffeine to really wake me up. So, F*** it, I’m done trying to be a morning person.
6. Planning for the future/end of the world.
I like planning. I’m good at it. I have a problem though; whenever I have a plan in my head and it doesn’t go that way I kind of freak out. If I have no plans, I can easily go with the flow and adapt. I am good at both. I like looking at all of my options and coming up with the best course of action or choosing the best options after weighing all the cons and pros. I can’t ever order the first thing I want from the menu, I have to read the whole menu and pick from the best options. It usually comes down to two options, eventually I have no choice but to pick one. I need to stop planning and go with the flow more. I will avoid a lot more disappointment and will open the door to more possibilities.
Chaos and destruction seem to be engulfing the world, and I think it’s only going to get worse. Only after tremendous suffering, mankind will get sick of wanting and fighting, and selflessness will prevail. A long period of happiness and peace will come. But I don’t know how it’s going to happen. Do I need to go build a bunker? Do I need to move to a remote island? As long as I don’t know the Big Plan, I won’t know how to prepare. You know what I find really true? “Make plans and God will laugh at them.” So, F*** planning.
7. Giving up chocolate.
Honestly, I’m not even trying to give it up. I’m just going to state that even if next week at the doctor I find out that I have hypoglycemia or some other sugar condition, I will never give up dark chocolate. I will sacrifice other sugar forms if needed, but not dark chocolate. I think it’s one of the secrets of living a happy life. So, absolutely F*** giving up chocolate.
I encourage you to make your own and share it on your blog. Or share in the comments one or two things that would be in your list. Happy 2015!